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[23 Sep 2005|12:49pm] |
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mood |
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 accomplished |
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music |
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The widow by the mars volta |
] |
I'm updating from school once again ..because I am bored.
Heh.
Jens talking about a 3-some
^_^
Okay I'm done.
<3
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[22 Sep 2005|07:18pm] |
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mood |
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 aggravated |
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music |
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This love by Maroon 5 |
] |
An entry for Jose:
You're a stupid bitch, you think you know me but you don't. Starting rumors about me having sex with lots of people isn't funny. You really need to grow up. Your only insult to me was "You need to go fuck in hell" Haha you can't even insult me right. Your a stupid pussy that likes to start drama. You're nobodys friend, you talk about every single one of them behind there back. You think your long ass comments on xanga hurt me. News flash for you I DON'T LIKE CONOR! He's to young for me. I don't date 7th graders and so what if he thinks I'm ugly hes not so hot himself, nor is his brother Sheridan. You need to stop starting so much shit. NO ONE REALLY LIKES YOU! Even your "best friend" Matt calls you a fatass behind your back.
If you want to talk about me at least make sure you have your facts straight. I'm not the whore you are.
Fucking all those guys you didn't know.. and all that sex you had with Daniel. You even fucking dated him.
All of you are such fucktards and need to get a life. I don't have a big ego like your boyfriend Daniel. I don't walk around telling everyone how hot I am. I'm not even the hyper at school. Zion thinks I'm emo because of it..
"You don't matter <//3"
I don't matter? Honey look around you..not one of your friends gives a fuck about you. NOT ONE. B
elieve it or not I do have people that care about me because I don't stab them in the back.
Your so overrated.
Since your so fucking emo
Maybe you should go cut on your wrist and write more shitty poetry..oh and maybe you should drown in a bath tub..Need help ? I'll help you kill yourself.
NO ONE LIKES FAT ASS BITCHES LIKE YOU!
YOU NEED TO LOSE SOME DAMN WEIGHT LOOK IN THE MIRROR BEFORE YOU THINK TO CALL SOMEONE ELSE FAT!
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[21 Sep 2005|06:31pm] |
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mood |
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 disappointed |
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music |
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She will be loved by Maroon 5 |
] |
I was thinking today..about him
I had nothing better to do today since I didn't go to school..I was sick.. blah.
you're going to fade just like everyone else. Thing is I can't see myself without you in my life.
Everyone I hang out with now isn't going to be there later on..I'll make new friends and things will change.
I thought I couldn't live without Max..but I always knew deep down that something wasn't right. I knew he wasn't going to always be there, so I got over the fact that isn't here fast.
Truth is when you leave a part of me is going to die.
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[20 Sep 2005|02:35pm] |
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mood |
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annoyed |
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music |
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The widow by The Mars Volta |
] |
I'm updating from school once again.
My teacher is two computer down..so let me just say this.
You don't know what he wants...he doesn't like it when you do that to him...
Stop it...
Yes I still like him..and I still like someone else too..
*sigh*
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[19 Sep 2005|12:50pm] |
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mood |
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 bored |
] |
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music |
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Cassandra Geminni by The Mars Volta |
] |
I'm updating from school right now because they blocked xanga.
Grrr..
I hate school...I'm supposed to be doing my homework and working on my Elvis projects.
Fuck.
I go out with Nate again btw.<3
Oh and I'm supposed to hang out with conor after school yay!
Iggy gave me the mars volta c.d.
ITS MY BIRTHDAY!
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[13 Sep 2005|05:31pm] |
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mood |
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melancholy |
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music |
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Lover I don't have to love by Bright Eyes |
] |
I can't handle things right now..and a public journal is killing me. I'm murdering kyuuto_neko.
I'm staying but not on this livejournal.
Sorry...
I'll give you the name when I'm ready...ready to let you people know how I'm really feeling.
Oh and let me know on this entry if you want to know the name so I'll know who to give it to when I'm ready.
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[13 Sep 2005|05:11pm] |
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mood |
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 energetic |
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music |
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A perfect Sonnet by Bright Eyes |
] |
So who wants me to stay?
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| Well look whos dying now slit wrist for sleeping with the girl next door.... |
[12 Sep 2005|03:47pm] |
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mood |
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 stressed |
] |
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music |
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A boy brushed red living in black and white by Underoath |
] |
Maybe I'll keep you...I'm not sure if I should.
At this point I don't really care.
It hurts it really does...Its not only Zion now its...other things that are hurting me and I can't...I can't stop crying.
WHY DOES IT HURT THIS MUCH?????!
Silly boys..they should all die.
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[11 Sep 2005|02:26am] |
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mood |
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sad |
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music |
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Question by system of a down |
] |
So I'm bringing my livejournal back to life to just say this.
"Not even worth my time"
Am I that ugly? Am I that stupid that I wouldn't even be worth your time?
I'm not even sure if you really left that comment..but still it makes me feel......
Am I so gross that you wouldn't even think of me?
*sigh*
I told you he was to pretty for me...
Damn once again my hope is shattered.
FUCK YOU WORLD I HATE YOU TOOO
Okay this journal is deader than dead now.
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| You were never coming home never coming home... |
[09 Sep 2005|06:58pm] |
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mood |
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accomplished |
] |
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music |
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Ghost of you by My Chemical Romance |
] |
BANG BANG the gun went BANG!
Right through her head.
This journal has just became emo and killed itself.
Yes therefore it is dead.
No I'm not copying Hollis I just don't like livejournal anymore. We had a good run livejournal and I but all loves die. Just like my love for Opendiary.
Oh well.
I'll try to comment as much as I can still and if you want to find out how things are in my life then go to xanga.
Burn_The_Scene is my xanga name.
And for the ones I never got close too I guess this is goodbye.
You can still talk to me on AIM too or Msn
AIM:FallOutGirl1826
MSN:Poisonkitten208@hotmail.com
Well bye bye.
<3
Melissa
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| I've been drowning in my sleep. |
[08 Sep 2005|08:06pm] |
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mood |
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sad |
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music |
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It's Dangerous Business Walking Out....By UnderOath |
] |
I met a pretty boy today his name is Zion. *sigh*
Hes to damn pretty for me.
I want him.
I really do.
I went to starbucks with him today and some of my new friends (Kathy and Danni and this other girl I can't remember her name and that makes me sad)
Hes soooooooooooooooooo rad.
I want him.
I really really really do.
I get butterflys in my tummy and my heart skips beats when I talk to him. Guys don't ever do this to me. Only one guy in my whole life has made me feel this nervous and silly around him.
I mean yeah I think Connor and Nate are pretty but they don't make me feel like this...
Why is this happening? Why... and don't think I just want him for his looks either. Hes so funny and rad....
why?
I don't like feeling this way hes to pretty for me..and hes 13...*tear*
I feel sooo sad right now.
(Sorry for the emo entry)
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[07 Sep 2005|04:56pm] |
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mood |
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hyper |
] |
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music |
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I slept with someone from fallout boy.... by Fall Out Boy |
] |
My birthday party guest list is weak. *tear*
( the guest list )
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[06 Sep 2005|05:57pm] |
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mood |
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 loved |
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music |
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Only One by Yellowcard |
] |
It was so real you were drowning. I couldn't do anything to save you.
My dreams are becoming stranger and stranger. No more Melissa dying in them...just people I care about.
Nate seems to drown in like everyone of my dreams. Maybe somethings wrong with Nate and I just haven't noticed.
Maybe I've been to hard on him...maybe he does have problems. Maybe...*sigh*
Dammit Nate don't make me fall for you....
Your all I really think about besides Connor.
And when your not here..I think about your Smile, The way you hold me....Your sweet voice, I miss you, but I don't know why.
You are so damn pretty...and thats not the only reason I like you. I used to think you were just another whiny emo but yesterday you showed me a side of you that I didn't know...and now I feel close to you.
( Nate <3 )
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| Spare me just 3 last words "I love you" is all she heard |
[02 Sep 2005|04:05pm] |
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mood |
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uncomfortable |
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music |
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Ohio is for lovers by Hawthorne heights |
] |
So here it is I lay it all out on the table.
All I can do now is wait...wait..wait..blah.
I hate waiting but maybe this time something good will come out of waiting.
"I'll wait for you but I can't wait forever"
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| I'd rather be doing my hair than you ^_~ |
[01 Sep 2005|05:17pm] |
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mood |
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happy |
] |
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music |
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Coin Operated Boy By The Dresden Dolls |
] |
I'm
Happy
Happy
Happy
Even though I'm sick. Yes I'm sick but thats okay. I got to miss another B day YAY but Sad at the same time.
I couldn't stop throwing up this morning it was soooo not rad.
I'm drinking Orange Juice right now. First thing I've been able to keep down.
So I found out that totally rad boy might be in 7th grade. Ack that could be bad. A 9th grader dating a 7th grader. Umm oh well who cares what people think right?
Okay
Well I found out yesterday that I'm having dinner with Shauna on Sept. 11.
That should be rad.
Well laters. I'll edit this with more pretty people soon.
( Sonny Moore is my sex god )
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[31 Aug 2005|04:56pm] |
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mood |
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 exhausted |
] |
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music |
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My Heart is the worst kind of weapon by Fall Out Boy |
] |
School is going swell its not as bad as I thought it was
I get to eat those rad chicken sandwhiches everyday
Iggy and I are friends again
Nate Skylar is my hoe!
And I fancy another guy now. ^^ He's an 8th grader but he is sooo rad. He's like radder than rad.
Heh
I want a lip ring or two..and my hair is being gay. Also I'm grounded. Oh well. Life is lovely. I love life.
I love people.
Tomorrows a B day. Boo ;-;
( Pretty People )
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[30 Aug 2005|05:00pm] |
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mood |
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sick |
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music |
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Clocks by Coldplay |
] |
My head is killing me >.< its only the 4th day of school and I've already missed a day. Bad Melissa, bad bad bad Melissa. Grrr.. Oh well I've decided that I really don't give a fuck what Iggy says about me or what he does. Its his life and if he wants to be a dick then he can be a dick.
I don't care how sick I am tomorrow I'm going to school...I can't miss any more days.
"I'm beautiful when I'm asleep. Martini kisses land on my blistered,bloody,scarlet lips. The bottle's in my hand...fade out,not burn away."
( My Girlfriend )
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| And honey you should know that I could never go on without you Green eyes |
[29 Aug 2005|05:04pm] |
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mood |
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mellow |
] |
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music |
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Green Eyes by Coldplay |
] |
Grr.. High school has only been on for 3 days and yet I'm already sick of it. Why school? Why? Why do you have to be so fucking gay??
Ugh 1st period was sooo fucking boring...and then CAPS class..Ugh CAPS class Ugh. Ummm.
2nd period wasn't so bad..this ghetto guy across the room from me started talking about how some crazy homeless lady tried to hit him with a bat hahaha.
3rd period was hella boring as well. 3rd lunch was okay though I had one of those awesome sauce chicken sandwhiches *drools* and Max,Ahna,Roxy and Matt ate with me.
4th period ...I really hate it. Art sucks so much since I can't draw and it seems to drag on forever.
*gives Broughton the finger*
Fuck you High school I can already see this year is going to be long,boring and stressful.
I promised myself I wouldn't let boys control my thoughts this year. High school is important and I need to pass it.
Stupid boy...GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HEAD!
Long story shorten:
Highschool is gayer than gayer.
The boys are hella hot.
The chicken sandwhiches are awesome sauce.
There are barely any cute girls.
The classes seem to drag on FOREVER.
The teachers are not that bad..but are uber boring.
No matter how much sleep I get I still feel so sleepy during each of my classes.
I only have like four rad friends
Art blows
And one boys face won't get out of my mind.
*le sigh*
This year is going to suck balls.
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| Just how much this hurts me...Just how much you... |
[27 Aug 2005|11:25am] |
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mood |
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gloomy |
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music |
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This Time Imperfect by AFI |
] |
Football game = heartbreak ;_;
I went to the BHS football game last night with Roxy. It so fucking sucked. Okay I don't like Football so I just went for the hot people and for my friends. NONE of my friends were there. None. v.v I saw Iggy but I didn't want to say anything to him because he was with like 3 people I didn't know and yancey. Yancey seems to think we were stalking them. WTF!?!?! I don't stalk people even if I like them...(I DON'T LIKE YANCEY!!!! I LIKE IGGY IF YOU HAVEN'T FIGURED THIS OUT ALREADY!!) So when they walked by us Yancey was like "Quit stalking us" Roxy went off to talk to them..and since I didn't want to be alone I ran after her. She was hugging on Iggy who pulled away put his arm on this guy and said "I'm gay with him"
It was obvious they didn't want to talk to us..so I just walked away.
*sigh* So when the game was over we waited for people we knew and no one we liked came out. FuCk. Well at least I saw a lot of hot hot hot guys!
Ummm.I felt like crying so I decided that we'd go to the park. When we got to the swings something didn't feel right..someone was swinging really really really really slow. I got kind of creeped out since it was like 10 at night and it was really dark so we left..ran into Joseph who lives in Cary now YAY!^_^
Ummm...After that we got a soda sat around Cameron village for like 30 mins and then got back to my house at 11 pm. I'm suprised my mom didn't know were I was. *shrugs*
( I've been taged )
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| Cuz theres no one in the world like Emily... |
[26 Aug 2005|06:19pm] |
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mood |
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calm |
] |
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music |
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Emily by From First To Last |
] |
B days are somewhat better than A days. Okay I woke up late again ...Dammit..Roxy came to my house to walk with me to school we barely made it on time to CAPS class. After that it was off to find Earth Science by myself. Ugh. Finally found it and guess whos in that class..Iggy and Becca and they sit beside each other. v.v .(I'm not trying to say I dislike them..I barely know Becca and I LOVE IGGY! ..I just don't like seeing them together) After that I got lost trying to find my English class so Hollis had to help me find it..saw Max in the hall way got a hug and then went to Class. Mrs. Waldrum seems to be really nice. ^^ Okay after that Hollis helped me find World History and we saw a few hot guys on the way *giggle* Nico is in that class ^^ hes very cute, I met him at McDonalds last year with Hollis and Roxy. Umm I have 2nd lunch which means I have world history for like 35 ..40 then I go to lunch for 40 then come back to world history for 35..40 mins. Umm...I didn't know anyone at my lunch really so I ended up having lunch with Amanda and Chris. Amanda is soo cool! Umm..yeah then I followed Nico back to world history or else I would of gotten lost. We did a worksheet and then it was off to Begginners Voice which scared me since I thought I was going to have to sing in that class, but I don't YAY Mrs. Conley is the shit! I love her!!!! We're going to learn about different types of music YAY ..As I understand we're going to learn aboutThe beetles, Jimmy Hendrix, Queen, Nirvana, and the one I picked EMO!!!!
Yes ^_^ That class is going to be sooo rad.
Maybe High School isn't so bad after all.
Oh and on A days I'm going to have 3rd lunch so that means I'm going to have lunch with Matt,Mikey,Iggy and Roxy YAY!
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| screw you high school. |
[25 Aug 2005|03:59pm] |
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mood |
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annoyed |
] |
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music |
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New American Classic by Taking Back Sunday |
] |
Today soo fucking sucked. I woke up late so I didn't get to make myself sexy for "someone", doesn't matter anyway I only saw him twice for like two seconds. Blah. I met Roxy and we went to CAPS class together. I saw this guy Ryan that I haven't seen since 5th grade...he looked the same. I got lost going to my second period which is clothes designing. Knew no one in that class. Saw Iggy and Matt in the hallway after that class, (Iggys hair looks great btw!!!) Umm then it was off to math class which wasn't that hard to find since it was right there when I came out of the stairwell. I only knew one person in that class and that was Hope. Then it was time for study skills class and guess whos in the class Margert! ugh..shes dating Nick. Then it was off to 2nd lunch were I knew no one there either! OMG! I was about to cry..and this random girl started talking to me..She was really cool. Got lost trying to get back to my study skills class....Saw Max and Ahna got hugged then finally found my study skills class. Listen to Margert be a wigger and talk about Nick...then it was off to Art class were guess who is in my class Evan Plammer, ummm...Joe Branch, Yancey and Justin ..Yup...Joes cool and I really didn't talk to Evan. Once school was over I saw Roxy and Iggy walking my way so I ran up to Iggy and tired to hug him..he said no and kept walking...*tear*
I hate High School already...maybe B days will be better ne?
and I go out with Carol now... Coma and I broke up..and don't feel sorry for me I broke up with her..and I asked out Carol...so YAY
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| I hope that I never let you down..I hope this can be more than flashing lights and sound |
[24 Aug 2005|12:08pm] |
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mood |
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happy |
] |
| [ |
music |
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The Artist In The Ambulance by Thrice |
] |
I've been listening to Thrice ever since Hollis went to Sleep and I've
realized I'm in love with them Yes I want Thrice for my birthday. ^_^
Okay I want The Artist In The Ambulance by THRICE
BUY IT FOR MY BIRTHDAY BITCHES!
Edit:
This amused me greatly
NirvanaRockr109: THEY CUT ALL MY FUCKING HAIR OFF MELISSA!
FallOutGirl1826: what?
FallOutGirl1826: *hugs you tighty*
FallOutGirl1826: Why?
NirvanaRockr109: cuz i needed a haircut and they made me look lke a damn lesbian!
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| I'm half alive but I feel mostly dead. |
[24 Aug 2005|06:34am] |
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mood |
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disappointed |
] |
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music |
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You were meant for me by Jewel |
] |
Stop hurting me. I don't want to cry over you anymore.
I no I'm being overly emo about this.. it wasn't love..on your side at least.
I've been thinking a lot lately about things...
I wonder what my life would be like if my mom let me go to Ligon instead of Daniels.
I'd have a different set of friends, I'd have a different set of boyfriends and I'd have a different set of heartbreaks.
You would be just a name to me. Wouldn't you like that? If I didn't care about you at all? ....
Why do you say the things you say?
Why?
Do you dislike me that much?
Its my fault I know.. I made you do all of those things you didn't want to do.
Why don't you just stab me in the heart...rip me apart..limb by limb..I'd love for you too do it. Please just make me feel anything besides this...I don't want to hurt inside.
"Your thoughtless words are breaking my heart
You're breaking my heart...."
I was hoping he'd be the bandaid over this broken heart..but I guess not. I can't just replace you and expect myself to not feel anything for you.
Emotions don't work like that.
So this is goodbye. I bid you farewell until I am able to speak to you again without crying.
"Dreams last so long even after your gone...and I know that you love me and soon you will see you were meant me and I was meant for you"
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| yay for being emo. NOT |
[22 Aug 2005|06:57pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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angry |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Sugar we're going down by Fall Out Boy |
] |
I'm just a notch in your bedpost
But you're just a line in a song
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| You found....me. |
[20 Aug 2005|04:47pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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stressed |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Ice girl by Emilie Simon |
] |
"You were looking for someone to keep you warm..you found..me.
You were looking for some to dry your tears...you found..me.
You were looking for some one to not be alone..you found me.
cuz I'm the ice girl freezing you..I am the ice girl
I am the ice girl freezing you The ice girl..I am ice girl freezing you to the bone,but now I'm gone.
You were looking for someone to comfort you ..you found me..
You were looking for someone to make you smile..you found..me.
You were looking for someone...for somebody...but not for me.
cuz I'm the the ice girl freezing you.. I am the ice girl..
I am the ice girl freezing you The ice girl..I am ice girl freezing you to the bone,but now I'm gone"
I have a girlfriend now her name is Coma. Shes reall awesome.
*sigh*
Je sens le chagrin profond parce que vous n'êtes pas environ. Je ne la
veux pas je vous veux. Vous ne me manquez pas comme je vous manque ?
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[19 Aug 2005|05:40pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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accomplished |
] |
| [ |
music |
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READY STEADY GO! by L'Arc~en~ciel |
] |
Fuck you boobs and vagnia!
I'm getting a sex change
I'll become a hot emo boy
and then all the gay guys will want me
haha world I win.
1. Go here.
2. Pass it on.
( my answers )
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[18 Aug 2005|06:38pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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cold |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Unforgotten by Field Theory |
] |
Why am I still longing for you? I am so close but yet so far away. Why? I should just let go right?
Maybe Emily is right, I do whine to much.
*sigh*
Its just I can't let go of this..right now and I feel so lonely. But loneilness doens't last forever. Things will get better.
I will be truely happy again one day.
But I'll have to let go before I can do that.
I have to let go...
This is the second hardest thing I've ever had to do in my life.
But the facts are there and this is never going to work out.
I think I'm going to start going to chruch again, I need it. I need the support and love of them.
I'll make it through this.
Life is worth living.
"I'm glad we'll reach the end together.
No one else can take the place of you.
For you my heart I do surrender.
Just know I'll always love you.
So fly away.
So high above everything.
I dream of you when I'm awake.
I can't wait to see you with my own eyes.
I feel as though that I'm so close .
Take my hand
Lets fly.
So fly away
So high above Everything"
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[17 Aug 2005|07:05pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
nauseated |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Blur by Field Theory |
] |
Night two of the dreams.
I'm not going to deal with them this year...
They have gotten worst
Every single one I die in.
Is this a sign?
Because if it is I don't really care, what good am I doing on this earth?
None....
I've grown bitter and all I do is figure out ways to hurt people who I have or have tired to hurt me.
Two down
Now I'm working on my next vitcim.
Does this make me sick?
God I am sick...
I lost him so I make them pay...
but what have I sloved?
Its not I who should decide what they deserve and even if they do deserve it does that mean I should be the one to give it to them?
No I am no better than them.
If this keeps up I'm going to have another break down if something doesn't change.
I am worthless
I am nothing.
I'm not even myself anymore I'm alway spacey and upset even though most of the time no one can tell I'm upset anymore.
They don't understand....
Yes Emily I'm not as cool as you thought I was...
and Daniel you don't understand I'm not crushed so stop showing me pity.
The only time I feel at peace is when I'm asleep dying in a dream...is there something wrong with me?
Maybe I should get help..
*sigh*
One good thing did happen today..I met a really lovely band called Field Theory.
They were really nice people and they gave Roxy and I their c.d.
Roxy and I are going to their show on Sept. 3rd. anyone want to come with?
We are thinking about taking Iggy..but yeah we want to take others too.
Well I think I'm going to go now.
Love,
Melissa
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| Smashed and raped not again this is a real crime what a pretty face who do I feel sorry for? |
[16 Aug 2005|04:18pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
stressed |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Pretty by Korn |
] |
The dreams are back...
I'm a bad person.
To tell you the truth I don't care. I have a sick mind..and I've known this for sometime.
But I didn't make myself this way..it was all of my "friends" pushing me...and lying to me and pretending to care.
They hurt me.
I hurt myself.
They hurt me.
I hurt myself.
They hurt me.
I hurt myself.
It's been like this for a few years now..but this has got to stop.
They hurt me.
I hurt them.
I'm not as dumb as you think I am and the ones that hurt me.. I know how to hurt them its so easy.
The things they care about are silly things that I can destroy. I won't allow myself to get hurt over stupid fake friends.
I know who the real ones are.
And to tell you the truth I only care about a few people right now
Hollis,Iggy,Max,Carol,Coma, and Stephan.
Even though I don't really know a few of them that well..and a few of them prolly don't care about me but I don't care.
Those are the only people I really trust and care about right now.
I've already attacked one person...don't get on my bad side.
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[15 Aug 2005|07:29pm] |
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mood |
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annoyed |
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music |
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Lover boy by L'arc~en~ciel |
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I love you Llere but you are what triggered this entry. Wtf ..You know what I hate more than anyone, people who are like "I cut myself, I'm fat so I'm not going to eat, or I'm punk because I want to be "
Yes I know I used to be like that but I'm not anymore. Yes I still whine about things but nothing like that. If I cut myself you will never know, because its not something I talk about anymore.
(I haven't so don't worry)
Okay here is a part of her entry for today on xanga.
"Ugh. I cut myself two days ago. I wont tell were in case some people who shouldn't find out and stuff. Its not so much of me being skinnier, all though I wouldn't mind that. Its more of me disliking food and stuff"
She acts like its cool to be anorexic..
Her blogrings are
Anorexic and 13
and
Cutter and burner
Why is that so great? She shouldn't be doing this to herself..It worrys me..I know I might sound like a bitch right now but I'm worried about you Llere.
Eat a damn sandwhich and don't worry about it. You weight less then me..and stop with the "I cut myself"
It annoys everyone believe I know.
You have a problem you shouldn't just be like haha I'm anorexic and I cut myself..LOVE ME!..Don't become what I was.
If this keeps up I'm going to have to tell your parents or sister. I'm sorry but its for your own good.
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[15 Aug 2005|03:44pm] |
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mood |
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aggravated |
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music |
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my heart is the worst kind of weapon by Fall Out Boy |
] |
Livejournal makes me sad. I never get comments on here,but thats okay because I get a lot on xanga. (YourWordsAreDeadlyWeaponsx)
I'm pissed off today for a reason I will not name its not like anyone reads this anyway. So fuck it.
You Are 24 Years Old |
24
Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe.
13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world.
20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences.
30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more!
40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.
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haha it lies.
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| I want to hate you half as much as I hate myself but you know I could crush you with my voice... |
[14 Aug 2005|03:32pm] |
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mood |
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Ready |
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music |
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The Pros and cons of breathing by Fall Out Boy |
] |
Last night I saw my world explode, but I'm okay. Your not worth my tears or blood,but yet you are.
I hate the way you look at me. I hate the way you say my name. I hate they way you smile and say things like you really mean it when you don't.
I hate that I don't know the real you.
Theres more to you, you just won't let us see it. I wish you would let me in. I care about you I really do. I haven' t cared about anyone else like this..besides Max.
I won't hurt you, I promise. I'll smile and let you rip me apart. I'll do it all for you. Just let me in. I'm not afraid of getting hurt anymore.
Hurt me, please.
"Bury me standing under your window with the cinder block in hand
Yeah cause no one will ever feel like this again
And if I could move I'm sure it would only be to crawl back to you
I must have dragged my guts a block... they were gone by the time we (talked)..."
I'll take the dive if you do..I'm not afraid....I'm not afraid. I don't even care if you don't catch me when I fall. Your the only one I want.
I can't say I'm for sure but I think I might ..love you.
You don't have to say it back ..just ...pretend to care...and I'll pretend I don't know your lying.
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[13 Aug 2005|02:36pm] |
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mood |
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annoyed |
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music |
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Dead on Arrival by Fall Out Boy |
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My heart hurts from getting broken every fucking day
STFU
"this is side one
flip me over
I know i'm not your favorite record
the songs you grow to like never stick at first
so I'm writing you a chorus
and here is your verse"
Don't even ask who that is about.
*Frowns*
Let's just say he'll always be my favorite scar.
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| Hold on if you feel like letting go. Hold on it gets better than you know. |
[12 Aug 2005|06:24pm] |
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mood |
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excited |
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music |
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Hold On by Good Charlotte |
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So I did it, I asked my mom if we can go to Canada next summer and she said yes.
OMG YAY I'll get to hang out with Adam. ^_^
Umm.Yeah I know I shouldn't be this happy when its so far away but Adam is my home slice and I can't wait to meet him in person.
So I have 10 months or so to get pretty not like it matters since he has a girlfriend but whatever..
Well anyway..yay I'm going to Canada during the summer of 2006!
For Adam:
<333
Melissa
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[12 Aug 2005|10:25am] |
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mood |
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bouncy |
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music |
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Dance Dance by Fall Out Boy |
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I'm feeling kind of down right now but can't let it show. I can't feel bad. I am human, but I am not allowed to show it.
So instend of me whining like I'd so love to do right now.
Heres a lovely nice entry
Enjoy.
( pictures you wh0res )
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[11 Aug 2005|03:53pm] |
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mood |
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enraged |
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music |
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Thank You For The Venom By My Chemical Romance |
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Fuck you. No I'm not perfect. No I'm not smart. No I'm not anything you wanted me to be. I'm sorry but we all can't be as "perfect" as you.
FUCK YOU! You're not perfect either. You're stupid, you're a bitch and no one truely likes you. You're just a free piece of ass to all of them.
You think you know but you have no idea what it's like to be me. Just because I am a teenager doesn't mean that I don't have problems or feel pain or lose love.
I'm human, I have emotions in case you failed to notice that.
Thank you for your lovely words, thank you for NOT leaving me alone, thank you for going through my things and knowing where all my personal stuff is. Thank you for the emotional scar. Oh and Thank you for not giving a damn about me my whole life.
"So give me all your poison And give me all your pills And give me all your hopeless hearts And make me ill You're running after something That you'll never kill
If this is what you want Then fire at will"
( What's life like bleeding on the floor? )
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| Look how pretty she is when she falls down..Now theres no beauty in bleeding Mascara... |
[10 Aug 2005|06:17pm] |
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mood |
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aggravated |
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music |
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Bleeding Mascara by Atreyu |
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Gawd...Today I woke up at 3 in the afternoon then I called Jose and sang "Candy Shop" by 50 cent with him...haha I know I'm a loser.
My mom came home about 20 mins later and she asked me to go shopping with her. So I got dressed and we went shopping. While she was getting food I got coffee and this really hot emo guy caught my eye.
I started following him around. (Yes I know stalker leave me alone.He was just so cute!)
And when he was about to leave I walked up to him and said "Hey I like your shoes!" I thought that would work since it did in that Bright Eyes song "Lover I don't have to love"
He smiled and said thanx we talked for about 5 mins. then he said he really had to go so I asked him for his number he said sure but right when he was about to give it to me my Mom comes out of no where =( she asked me why was I firting since I'm only 14. Gawd she ruined it. He just said "Whoa your a little to young" and left.
omfg! So what if he was 19 he was hawt! and I liked him..well what I knew about him.
*sigh*
Oh well maybe next time this won't happened. I swear next time I'm at the mall/store/ anywhere and I see a hot guy I'm going to go up to him and talk to him. Even if I'm with friends. Unless he has a girlfriend with him.
Okay I'm done with that now.
<333
Melissa
(Comment or I'll eat you!)
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| p.s. I never changed I just got tired of pretending to be happy |
[09 Aug 2005|07:00pm] |
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mood |
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depressed |
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music |
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Dirty Mouth by Hot Hot Heat |
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Seems like I'm always sad about something or the same thing. Shouldn't I be over it by now? It's been a month...maybe a little longer. How come my emotions for you haven't changed?
Why do I feel the need to hurt myself?
"you led me to a nasty habit. by the end of our romance my wrists were covered in scars"
I have a few scars because of you. It hurts to look at myself anymore because when I look at my arms..I think of you. Everything reminds me of you.Everything.
I try to block you out, but its hard. I can't stop caring about you even though I'd like to.
I'd like nothing more then to block you, burn your pictures and pretend you never happened, but life isn't that simple, and I'd just be running away from emotions they won't die.
~~~
I'm sorry I'm whining again. Maybe I should just bottle it up again. Pretend that it didn't happen. Pretend that all of 8th grade was just a dream. Things would be better.
"So fuck you and your untouchable face and fuck you
For existing in the first place. And who am I, that I
Should be living for your touch? Who am I? I bet you
Can't even tell me that much."
God I just want to get the thoughts of you out of my head. I want to kill the memorys...they're all fake anyway.
<333
Melissa
Don't let him get to you.. He wants to see you broken
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| I'll be your number 1 with a bullet... |
[08 Aug 2005|08:27pm] |
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mood |
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 flirty |
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music |
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Sugar we're going down by Fall Out Boy |
] |
Sorry guys for the change...I just didn't want to keep a journal that I made out of hate for someone. I mean I really don't hate him, and I don't want to think about him everytime I updated.
Well only parts of this journal will be friends only since...lets face it most of the bullshit I write isn't important and it really doesn't matter if anyone reads it. Okay maybe all of the bullshit I write.
Anyway on to my first entry.
Hello lovelys!,
Today was totally rad! Nate came and picked me up for the Warped tour at 8 this morning. I was so sleepy from being on the phone with Matt until like 6:30 AM this morning (he wouldn't let me sleep!) so I slept the whole way there.
Waiting in line was a total bitch..blah I think I fell asleep there too.(hehe)
Omg it was so awesome I finally got to see Fall Out Boy!!!!!!!
Now I can die. Hehe.
Oh and I think Hollis made me hot! Haha because all these emo guys kept coming up to me and saying that I looked really hot and that they loved me hair, and like 3 emo guys licked me..it was weird but yeah kind of hot!
I mean when I was blonde people would say I was hot but I never had that many guys tell me I was hot in one day before. ^^
I'm sooooo going to the vans warped tour next year too!
<333
Missa
"Is this more than you bargained for yet
Oh don't mind me I'm watching you two from the closet
Wishing to be the friction in your jeans
Isn't it messed up how I'm just dying to be him
I'm just a notch in your bedpost
But you're just a line in a song"
~Fall Out Boy - Sugar we're going down~
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